i'm back. quick update: it seems to finally be over between J and i. it's been more than two months since we've seen each other. that's longer than any (of the many separations) we've had during our 4.5 years together.
so... as a distraction (and redirection of any romantic thoughts about a man i can & should never be with)... i have signed up with two online dating services.
at first, it was more of an accident. i happened to see one of these eharmony ads on my music site (pandora) and realized that "hey! - i'm single now... i can finally see what this is all about." so, i clicked on the ad and a thousand questions later i had my profile on eharmony but was informed that i can't really talk to anyone or see anyone's pictures if i don't cough up some $$. and so i did.
after a while, i got tired of these luigis, mitchells, franks and jeffreys....it's not that i have anything against those names but i began to discern a certain pattern of men i was being matched up with. also, and i didn't realize this before, eharmony people are really serious about dating & marriage. i'm not even sure if i ever want to be in relationship again!
so, after a few weeks of being introduced to entirely too many quinquagenarians and die-hard yankee fans, i've decided that it was time to move to a hipper dating site. i'm not saying yankee fans aren't hip but i was becoming a bit concerned that so many guys (90% of my matches) were defining themselves by a sports team preference. seriously... there are so many baseball fans looking for women that i was tempted to begin a social study, looking for a correlation of variables.
if these guys could connect with each other they could start fantasy baseball leagues based on similar match algorithms they use to match up potential romantic mates. one could draw up a whole new business model here...
anyway, so on chemistry.com the guys are indeed younger and hipper but they are probably the type of guys i should stay away from. also, i've discovered a bunch of undercover yankees fans. i understand the enthusiasm if you play sports and it is actually _your_ team who you feel for but _you are not actually playing_ for any of these big league teams? i just don't understand the enthusiasm, the empathy, the compassion. these people and their performance have nothing to do with you..
i used to watch a lot of basketball. loved it. played it, too. ... ok, i digress... enough with the sports watching obsession i don't get.
on chemistry.com they have you take a personality test, which becomes a main identifier on your profile. my result was "director". now, that may be flattering and possibly helpful if this were my linkedin profile but on a dating site i don't think it's a good feature for a woman to have that personality label association. if there is one thing i have learned over the years it is that men like to feel superior to their female, even if they are - in most cases - not by a long shot.
no guy wants to date a bossy girl (even though, in the end they all do, for women tend to try to control their men once they get comfortable). i may be a director, i may be opinionated, and so much more but i do not like to control my man. i may be a control freak in general (situation related) but as it goes for relationships, i'm more the "provide gentle feedback but then let be" kind of person. or, at least, i attempt to be that.
so, by now i've become over-saturated by all these matches. i have not actually met with anyone and i have spoken to only one person over the phone - once. we had a really good and rapid rapport over text but when we got on the phone he barely managed to listen and did most of the talking. you just never know a person until you personally interact with them. even though i highly appreciate an eloquent man i have learned that this does not necessarily mean they are a good or peaceful mate. i really ought to try to let go of this pet peeve of mine... eloquence and intellectualism (word?) does not equal good partner.
[btw... another personal observation: the better looking the guy the worse they are in bed... not that i have a lot of data to back this statement up. really, i should get out there a bit more... i'm a woman in my mid-thirties and my "number" is in the single digits... all my girlfriends have slept with at least 25-30 men. ... maybe it's because i started late, had a 12-year marriage, and then another long-term relationship. ... anyway: new year's resolution: catch up a little. get laid more! now, if only i had the time...and weren't so damn picky.]
the guys i am interested in, are often not interested in me.
maybe i should stop giving them profile/photo improvement suggestions ("hey, nice profile...but i'm not sure how i feel about a guy in his thirties who would date an 18-yr old. ... are you aware that you've put that in your age-range setting?"...or "hey, what's with the self-portrait of you over your unmade bed?" it's like the criticizing begins before we have even met.
also, maybe i should stop with sarcastic comments like "why are you taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror? are you hiding from your wife?"
the photo choices these guys are making are really tragic at times. or the stuff they write about themselves or what they are looking for. it's like they need a profile consultant and if i don't tell them, who will?
